What are Thoughts? How Do We Control Them?
Our thoughts are something that happen day in and day out. They are a defining reality of our experience has humans. From the moment we wake to sleep and in our sleep we think. We think in our emotions, our feelings, our experiences, the events that take place, around the people we love and hate, and in our life seasons. We think, think, and think more. We many times, however, do not stop and think about the thoughts themselves and the true meaning of our thoughts. Having so many thoughts during the season of my own life has prompted me to journey to blogging to identify life and business and the meaning of both. How they entertain each other at different points. So, I circle back to what are thoughts? Let’s look more into this topic.
Malt (2024) is also interested in thoughts. She wrote an article on how thoughts are internal codes in our minds that prompt meaning to others and help us express language and feelings. Thoughts are a nonlinguistic way to experience life and explore life. Malt goes onto say how private our thoughts are from others. But I ask, are they? Are thoughts truly private? When we think we do, our behavior changes and is impacted by the thoughts we have. This is called in the therapy world Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT says that our thoughts create feelings and our feelings prompts behavior in this type of pattern response such that Aaron Beck in the 1960’s described as a normal pattern of thought (Beck & Fleming, 2021). Beck and Fleming went on to describe how not only are our thoughts responsible for the actions and feelings we have but they are also responsible for our interpretation of these thoughts. An interpretation is “an explanation or opinion of what something means” (Cambridge Dictionary). The reality then, if true, which I believe from my own experience it is, we as humans have to deal with the experience of life, the thoughts about that experience of life, then we interpret the meaning (our own) of these thoughts and experiences, then we feel a certain way (which may lead to more thoughts and interpretations), then we do. Then somehow and someway in the thought cycle we get to live life. Anyone else confused by this? It is confusing that we as humans have to manage the chaos externally but we also get to manage the chaos inside. And now, I am exploring with you the idea that we are actually the ones who control our thoughts, mind, and thus our interpretations and experience thereafter. However, the truth is that we actually do have more control of our thoughts than we may think we do (Beck & Fleming, 2021). If this was not true then CBT would not be the proven theory and evidenced based treatment provision in the world of therapy and human development courses at it is today.
Let us focus for a minute on Beck and his theory, CBT. CBT has been studied in thousands of experiential studies showing that not only is this type of treatment for altering the mind and our thoughts helpful and powerful but it brings meaning to the reality of what thoughts are. Thoughts are linked to belief patterns. To be more precise, our thoughts tell us where we are at the moment in time like a magnified glass on us as individuals and people. We grow up to believe a certain way, in certain things, in certain people and over time as we age these beliefs become engrained in us. These are called core beliefs (Kadriu et al., 2023). Kadriu et al. looked into the meaning of core beliefs in the treatment of eating disorders. Kadriu and team wanted to know if core beliefs can change based on a focus of thought and perception change. They recognize the humungous obstacle that presents in the formation of core beliefs and in changing these core beliefs and thought patterns. Changing beliefs and thoughts is not easy. To give an analogy of what a core belief is, think of the act of cementing something in place and how permanent this act is. To remove the cemented object is an incredible undertaking, whereas the act of cementing something is very easy and quick. This is a good metaphor of beliefs and thought patterns. We build them up over time and to do so is very easy but to replace the thoughts and beliefs is very difficult. They are really difficult to change because they generally start to form in early childhood (Stallard, 2018). I like to explain core beliefs as the center of a person’s life or foundation of thought patterns. I explain this through experiential tactics in group therapy by having clients write their negative thought patterns onto a piece of paper then placing the paper on the floor and standing in the middle of the circle of thoughts. Core beliefs are the center point of all our thought patterns. For instance, if I was wronged throughout my life a negative core belief may be “I cannot trust anyone.” This core belief will then feed into all experiences and thoughts we have going forward in our life, unless therapy or some other form of help (i.e., therapy, self-help) can change this. Even if I do not act aligned with the belief pattern and choose for instance to trust someone in a relationship I will always (unless something changes) have this thought patter of lack of trust below the relationship that impacts it. Again, core beliefs are generally formed in childhood, at taking anchor in these timeframes (Stallard, 2018). They can be formed at any point and they become core beliefs as a result of events in life happening over and again (not necessarily the same event) that illicit that same thought and feeling and negative thought cycle to where the core belief takes on a meaning of its own. For instance, having the experience of hardship can bring the thought pattern and core belief over time “I am a failure.” Another example is the person whose friends seem to always go. We have all had this. The fear of being abandoned is one of the greatest fears of people. As therapists we hear it all the time from our clients. It is interesting though because this fear actually ends up making us live into the fear more than keep us away from it. Think about the person who is afraid to be abandoned. Are they more or less likely to be in a relationship for very long? Not usually. So this person who fears abandonment actually ends up being more alone and the thought and core belief of abandonment of not being good enough becomes a self-fulling prophecy then. A self-fulling prophecy is something we do only to live into the thing we do not want to do or be (Wilkins, 1976; Madon et al., 2014). Are you confused at all by any of this? Seems very daunting to control our thoughts, right!?
Human 5 Senses
Have you learned in school or by reading a book about the five senses? Most of us have learned this growing up and through life that humans have five senses that include the sense of hearing, sense of taste, sense of touch, sense of visual or seeing, and sense of smell. We likely rarely take into account the power of the five senses in our thought cycles and how thoughts are formed through them. When I am working with clients who are struggling with their thoughts (most are) I do an inventory of their life choices and ask questions like who do you hang out with, where do you hang out at, what shows or movies do you watch, what type of music do you listen to, tell me about your last relationship, among other questions. I am not only learning about their choices but I am learning about what impacts and creates their thought reality. Our thoughts are largely formed by our senses.
In 1991, Leyens and Dunand studied aggressive responses in male subjects who were informed that they were going to watch an aggressive film. They were only told they were going to watch an aggressive film, they had not yet watched the film, and what was discovered was that aggressive tone and language was used just thinking about the upcoming film by subjects. They discovered that just thinking about the future in a negative way impacts our behavior in the now. These men subjects obviously had a history of events and experience that primed them to think in such a way, they learned how, when, and how to be aggressive. Just by hearing (sense of hearing) about the future reality coming they remembered a past experience that then geared them to react in a learned response (Lee, Ocepek, & Makri, 2020). In Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) treatment it is easy to see this process happen in clients. Clients will remember the memory, experience the somatic feeling in the body, score by number 1-10 (10 being worst) the somatic feeling, provide a negative cognition that matches the sensation, create a positive cognition they want to be at, and then we [EMDR therapists] reprocess the memory with our clients. Clients thoughts and somatic experiences automatically link to past events and experiences that are interrelated by their negative thought sequence and somatic experience and this becomes the target to complete. Right before my eyes I can see the scales come off my clients experience and healing take place as the targets of trauma and experience reduce and eliminate. Why does this happen? It happens because EMDR has this fascinating effect of eliminating, reducing, changing my clients thoughts, which changes their feelings, and then changes their experience overall of life. It confirms that as our thoughts change, our feelings change, and experience changes. Okay so lets circle back to our senses and this subject line, our thoughts and feelings develop through experience from our senses and as a result behavior happens.
Matthes and Naderer (2015) studied food consumption in adolescent 6-14 years old to see if showing movies (sense of visual) with food depictions of the product Cheese Balls changed eating behavior. Not surprising, it did. The study groups who watched movie segments with more depictions of Cheese Balls consumed more snacks then those who watched segments with less visual depictions of Cheese Ball products. They did not necessarily eat Cheese Balls, the study showed too. It was a general increase of food or snack consumption over all. We can all identify with the experience of salivating when we see food, especially when hungry. Ever go to the store hungry versus full? Of course you have. And there is a huge difference in the two types of shopping outcomes. Think about the famous Pavlov Theory of Classical Conditioning discovered first in how dogs salivate when a bell is rung even when food is not present. It is fascinating to think about this type of linear response animals experience, including humans. How thoughts develop are clear from this example. An experience happens (placing dog food out and ringing a bell at the same time) and the dog salivates as hunger starts. Then even absent of the experience the dog hears (sense of hearing) the bell ringing and the thought of food begins the process of salivating even though the food never appears. What does this all mean for us? Our experiences are formed and continue despite changes. Nonetheless, over time if we stop engaging in behaviors and experience we can change our thoughts as well. Over time we can begin to create new thoughts through new experiences. For example the person in recovery for substance abuse stops hanging out with their group of friends they had when drinking. This change will impact positively their ability to remain sober because the reality is the power of a group on an individual changes the course of the direction of that individual (Ojanen, Sijtsema, & Rambaran, 2013). Humans become more like what we hang around.
“Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for bad company corrupts good character”
In another example, Waterman et al. (2022) studied sexual harassment delivered by adolescent boys and pornography use to see if there was any connection between the two (harassment and watching pornography). The study found there is a connection. Male adolescents who watch pornography are more likely to sexually harass and actually perpetrate sex crimes than male adolescents who do not watch porn. Visual sensation is a huge precipitating factor to our behaviors. Children and adults alike are prone to action as a result of what they take in visually through many different sources. When thinking about another famous study to this example, the Bandura’s Bobo Doll Experiment (Bandura, Ross, & Ross, 1965). Kids who watched a film on beating up a blow up doll then were placed in a room with a blow up doll started to exhibit the same aggressive behavior on the doll they watched the actor in the film do. It is actually pretty disturbing to watch the experiment take place. To think for one minute that what we take in through our senses does not impact our now and future (and then past of course too) is denying the reality of what research again and again shows us. What we watch, hear, taste, smell, and touch impact our now, tomorrow, and past. How does it impact our past you ask? Well, our today is going to be in the past tomorrow. So when we know how to impact our thoughts more positively and we choose not to then we are making a clear choice to impact our past going forward.
In the event of a trauma experience, for instance an assault or car accident, there is a physiological effect of trauma on the person over the course of the rest of their life that can and often does occur (SAMSHA, 2014). This effect of trauma impacts their behavior which is directly related to the event and how the event felt at the time it happened. The somatic experience (sense of touch) that is gone through becomes part of the reality of that person going forward in other situations. I like to use with my clients the example of being mugged on a bus. If I am sitting on the bus and someone comes up to me and grabs my bag by pulling my arm and yelling at me then running this experience is long lasting for me. From then on when I get on a bus the likelihood that I have a somatic experience of fear, my arm hurting, agitation elevated and my fight flight freeze attack sense turned on is likely going to happen. I may not ever get on a bus again because of the somatic experience associated with the bus. A link between the bus and fear reaction is now in place and it is likely without help I will never regain the same experience of joy and confidence I had prior to the mugging when on a bus.
I would venture to say that our five senses have one of the biggest impacts on our thoughts. So to change our thoughts, my suggestion (not simple I know) is to work on changing what we bring into our internal experience through our external environment by our senses. Life is not happening to us but with us. We can either start to pretend like we are just a blot in reality and time and have no control over our lives or we can take a moment and take charge in the change patterns we need to make.
How to Control and Change Our Thoughts
Take time to first write down what you take in from your environment every day. Take an inventory of what you watch, eat, hear, the people you hang around, the job you work at, the person you are dating or used to date, your current state of affair essentially. Start with your now situation not the past. Today is the day you begin to take responsibility of your thoughts. We cannot continue to blame our past for our current experience. However, we can begin to take responsibility for how we refuse to change the now that creates our new past and future. We can start to get help and heal the hurt of our past but we cannot change the past, once it is behind us. Our past happened, those events took place, I made those choices, and now I have no ability to change those realities other than the choices I choose to make today. Do not focus on the regrets of your past choices but instead decide today to change. Remember, our thoughts are not just happening to us they are happening with us. We have a part to play in the formation and anchor of our thoughts. It does not have to be some huge undertaking here, just start with a simple inventory and then place each item in the “positive” or “negative” bucket (so to speak). Positive means what you know to create a positive impact on you and negative means what you know to create a negative impact on you. If you do not know which bucket to place the experience in ask someone who knows you (ask the positive person in your life or ask the stranger who does not know you if a positive one does not exist yet) and they will tell you the honest truth you know is true but are not wanting to target it. Once each bucket is full write out three ways to change the negative and three ways to enhance and help grow the positive. Finally, find someone who can keep you accountable to change. If you do not have a friend who can help you maybe you have a pastor, counselor, teacher, or neighbor. Join a local group that can add support for change. Many groups exist that directly relate to the change we want to make. Remember each choice you and I make impacts our thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
What are Thoughts?
In summary, thoughts are a culmination of our life experiences, motives, goals, what we take in, and most of all a current synopsis of our past and current choices regarding what we allow to come into our senses. I want to identify here that this article is not considering the experience of psychosis or mental illness and how these realities impact our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. The purpose of this article was to speak in reference to general thoughts, feelings, and actions. I will talk on those topics of mental illness and thoughts in a separate article as when we have these experiences coupled with just general normal thought patterns we have a lot more to consider in how to get out of the cycle.
My Final Statement
Get excited about the realization that you have more control than you thought you did over your thoughts. When we take responsibility for any area of our life we actually get more control over our future and current functioning. Do not let taking account and responsibility of your choices as weak. It is not. It is what creates power to change and power to generate the new you.
References
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Bandura, A., Ross, D. & Ross, S.A. (1961). Transmission of aggression through imitation of aggressive models. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 63, 575-82.
Bandura, A., Ross, D., & Ross, S. A. (1963). Imitation of film-mediated aggressive models. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 66(1), 3.
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Cambridge Dictionary. (n.d.). Interpretation. Retrieved from https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/interpretation
Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (US). Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2014. (Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57.) Chapter 3, Understanding the Impact of Trauma. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/
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